Hello Fort Myers.

I am in day six here in Fort Myers. I am all moved in to my apartment, and the wonderful maintaince team here at First Assembly of God got me hooked up with air conditioning- oh how we take it for granted until we go days without it! This week has been a series of meetings, and cleaning and painting, and moments of quality time and conversations, all of which I have sincerely missed so much.



To be entirely honest, a third year was never part of my plans. I was never exactly against the idea, but I always invisioned me continuing education. But being here I am entirely thankful that by the mercy of God I have been blessed to have the opportunities to be apart of these ministries. I get to be apart of the things that I love. And the most beautiful and also the most important detail of all of these things is this: I can't do it. Which is perfect.



Something that I have prayed and asked God for is to be entrusted with a life that I can't live on my own. To give God opportunities to show up in my indequacies and do something incredible. I want to do things in a way that there is no chance for people to give the credit for me. I look at the things that I have been asked to do this year, things like helping with Girls Discipleship and teaching logos, or even my involvement at the South Campus... and I am so excited that I don't have to do this on my own talent or skill- we wouldn't get too far!



This is the verse that I am holding on to: "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us." 2 Corinthians 4: 7



There is surpassing {a large amount or high degree, exceeding, excelling, or extraordinary} power that is in me. I am equiped... but only to show a strength thats not my own. Only to love and serve people in a way that would adequately depict the way my God loves and serves people.



Side note: I miss my neice and brother terribly. That baby is too cute and I continue to be floored by how much my brother has changed since becoming a father. Having a relationship with him is a new thing for us but such a blessing. I am so proud of him.

And so it begins!

I just got finished packing everything I own and loading it into my car... in record time! I can't believe that it is already that time again, year three. I never expected to be back once more, but I am so thankful for what God is going to do this year and for the ways he changes our plans!

I have spent a lot of time this week reflecting on the past two years, and I am still blown away by how faithful my God has been. His word promises those who follow him "life more abundantly" and even in the smallest of details he has given me just that, although I so often fail to see his provision. But day by day he is teaching me to find beauty even in the most desolate of places, to find splendor in the mundane that most of the time I quickly cast off. He is training my ears to hear him even in the midst of the noise and the chaos, and most importantly, he has taught my heart to trust him...

... This year is an opportunity to learn to trust him more. I know that in and of myself I have nothing to offer, but here I am knowing that my God will use me. Not because I deserve it, but because my reflection must imitate him. Because his word promises. And because they deserve more then what I can conjur up to give them.

I am excited to get moved in and see everyone! My apartment decoration "theme" is based off of the children's book The Giving Tree : ) Should prove to be quite interesting.

Expanding hope.

… And then all of a sudden, there it is. Hope.

Have you ever woke up in the morning to find that the weight that has been on your heart for so long is finally gone? The anxiousness that you have felt for months is finally replaced by an excitement for what is to come… and you can breath. Once again you can actually breathe.

For me, this reunion with Hope is like seeing an old friend. Once upon a time you were really close, you could not imagine spending a day- even a moment- without her. Next thing you know she is gone. You spend months trying to get in contact with her, and after a while it is almost like she never existed. You even question the moments spent with her- were they actually real or did you just convince yourself of her presence?

I missed you… I dreamt about you coming back. And here you are.

Hope walked back in, and of course, I was excited to see her. My first instinct was to run to her, wrap my arms around to her and cling to her in a way that would guarantee that she wouldn’t leave me again. But then, as reality comes trickling down past the emotions and then to common sense, this is excitement is replaced with one haunting question- where did you go? Hope, how could leave me?

Hope, I searched for you relentlessly. But you were no where to be found.
I needed you. You left at the moment of my deepest desperation.
And here you are again; right when I learned to face each day without you… you need to work on your timing dear friend.
There were moments when I thought that you were gone. But there is this book that I have learned to trust and believe that told me that faith, hope, and love would always remain. My faith has been quickened, and love has cost me greatly, but hope you have been absent for quite some time.

I don’t know how long you will stay, but oh how I have missed you.
Stay with me for a while Hope, but then I need you to befriend someone else…
They need you more then I do.
Because though you may leave and allow my heart to be burdened once more, this love and faith that I acquired will be there to be my endurance and strength. I adore your company and the anticipation you bring, but greater then this feeling is the assurance of His love. It is far greater.

Thank you for leaving me. You knew what was best all along.
Let’s enjoy this moment together, and in this fellowship we can dream for them… because we both know that Hope expands as you give it away.