I am supposed to be working on a logos lesson right now.... but it is not too often that I have these moments of clarity, so I figure this should be documented : )
Things lately have been... Organized. Scheduled. Mundane. Routine. Planned. Prepared. Lacking Life. All for which I take the blame. I have been all too busy and far too responsible for any respectable twenty year old.
I have stiffled my heart to accomplish more. I have quieted dreams to be practical. I have ignored deep desires to satisfy demands. As I take a moment to pause I realize that if I keep going at this pace, I will completely lose myself.
I refuse to let life become an inconvenience instead of something worth living. I have been chasing after all of these things that in all reality I don’t even desire. I continue to try to convince myself to find passion for things that I was not called to accomplish.
I am trading in this lofty goal of perfection for the authentically messy life I crave. I feel a twinge of guilt as I say that, knowing that many will be disappointed by all of the reprecutions of that descision, but I can no longer continue to perform as a machine (how could that possibly reflect the image of my God?).
So that being said...
... I am going to play my music a little louder then necessary...
... I am going to dress up as a Ninja Turtle with my roomate, without even considering how it may appear childish...
... I am going to sing off key as I used to, without shame...
... I am going to let my heart show again, through laughter and through tears...
... I am going to fail- and not feel guilty...
... Back to reading kids books at Barnes and Nobles...
... Back to noticing the things that are actually important...
I feel like I am waking up!
